Phantom Crying & Jack updates (picture below)

When Jack was about eight months old, we decided to "train" him to fall asleep on his own, in his own crib. We started with him in our room, his crib right next to our bed sat on either side of the crib, letting him know we were right there, until he fell asleep (crying, of course). Every couple days, we'd move farther away from him - and after the first week, his crib was at the other end of the room and we were in the doorway reminding him that we'd be there if he needed us. It took roughly three weeks (or so) before he was in his own room, content in his crib, and (thank goodness) sleeping through the night (finally).

In the middle of what the book we read called the "sleep shuffle," I struggled with Jack's crying. One night, when Jack was still in our room, but at the other side, I thought I heard him crying, even though he wasn't. Whenever I shut my eyes to fall asleep, I would hear a baby cry in the distance, and it would take an extraordinary amount of willpower not to go over to the crib and check on him- where I'd surely wake him up and hear actual bawling. Poor Ed; I woke him up about three times to confirm my delusion. "No, he's not crying," Ed would mumble, trying not to let the irritation seep through as his 5:00 a.m. wake up time crept closer each time I'd wake him up. I don't know if it was the fan or a kind of mom trauma, but I swore I heard him crying even though it was in some kind of distant dream like place.

I still have moments where I think I hear Jack crying, even though he isn't. I walked Jack up to day care this morning and even though he's been doing just fine, I feel so many just plain bad emotions leaving him at another woman's house. I miss him terribly, feel guilty that I'm not working yet (unless you count sending out resume and cover letters work - which it is, but I still get caught in the trap of "it isn't work unless you're gettin paid), and I just imagine him wishing he was home in his own comfort zone. As soon as I left the daycare to walk home, I was sure I heard him crying- crying heard in the back of the house from the second floor of a very old, sturdy house (if you saw the house you'd know it was near impossible to be heard from the front since the kids play up and back). Walking up the hill, I heard another baby cry a few doors up. I used all of my logical mental resources to convince myself that it wasn't Jack. "You see, Laura- there's toys and a tree house in their yard- of course that's their kid, not yours."

So, now I'm home, about to dive into the work search, anxious to get rid of the anxious feelings that come with being a mom.

When Jack is home, he's amazing. Here's a few things of note:

1)He said "all done" last week when he was done eating dinner (hasn't said it since).
2)Has re-discovered "head, shoulders, knees, and toes." He still just touches his head, but is now touching his ears, eyes, and nose on occasion.
3)He's developed a somewhat love/hate relationship with Max (our cat) - Jack loves Max and, for the most part, Max hates Jack's persistant grabbing of his tail, headbutting his side ("kissing") and "petting" (hitting) his head. Strangely enough, Max, unlike Mia (the other cat) doesn't leave the room. He just meows and comes back for more.
4) Jack loves to wash his hands in the tub and will wash his tummy - as long as there is plenty of sudsy soap.
5) His favorite toy is the letter "I" from his alphabet magnet collection. It looks like a 1 - just a purple plastic stick basically. He carries it with him everywhere, often using it for a phone, holding it to his head while he reclines on his Winnie the Pooh couch, fake laughing and talking.
6) Last week Ed and I were engaged in a fairly curt discussion - probably about driving, since we were in the car- and our voices got a bit loud. From his carseat in the backseat, Jack started fake laughing really loud - we think to drown out our voices and stop our arguing. It worked.
7) One of the girs from upstairs is eighteen months, and every now and then, she and Jack will parallel play outside. Yesterday, while the little girl was sitting and playing with chalk, Jack leaned down and talked to her, quietly, as if he didn't want us eavesdropping. He leaned in, still chatting her up, then sat down and kept telling her his story. This is one of those, 'you had to be there' moments to fully appreciate.
8) When he wakes up in the morning or after a nap, he'll sit up and read his books. Often, he won't even notice that I've come into his room; his back will be to the door and he'll have one of his books in his lap- the cloth picture book my mom made him with pictures of his grandparents, aunts, and cousins; the baby colors book; "The Little Engine That Could" book- and he'll be jabbering, reading to himself some crazy story to go along with the pictures. Here's hoping there will be a day soon when I show up to day care and Jack doesn't even notice that I'm there.