I imagine most parents fantasize about how great their child will be. Will he be top of the class, head quarterback, will he win scholarships to a presitgious college, finish law school and become District Attorney, or maybe, become a world renowned photojournalist? Me? I only imagine the worst. I don't even let myself think too far in the future, in the event that something terrible happens. Isn't that terrible? Here's a typical day in my own little Jack mind:
Jack and I take a walk to Thriftway. On the way, I nearly trip over a jagged edge of the sidewalk. I catch myself, but not before I immediately imagine that I could have fallen, hit my head on the concrete, passed out and left Jack in his stroller, crying. Of course, someone would walk by--probably a pedophile--grab the stroller, leave me bleeding to death and run away with my son. I would wake up in the hospital, forced to spend the next 20 years searching for my missing son.
Of course, I then realize how crazy all of this is, and focus instead on the concrete I tripped over, how it is probably a result of a recent earthquake, and how we are bound to have another one (most likely before we move to Boston). And, of course, I will be holding Jack out on our balcony and drop him onto the parking lot three stories below from the force of the shaking earth.
I spoke with another "new" mom who admitted to the same frequent, crazy tragic fantasies and we think that by imagining the worst, it won't happen. It's only when we don't expect it ("I was just walking along, minding my own business") that the worst happens. I suppose I'm a classic parent (mom?) now. I understand why, when I was a teenager, my mom could not fall completely asleep until I got home. She was probably thinking about how my car broke down in the wrong part of town and how I asked someone for help - someone who's idol happened to be Ted Bundy.
When we were pregnant, we would talk with friends of ours (who recently had had a baby) how much we thought/worried about whether or not the baby would be healthy, how anxious we were about labor and delivery, etc. Matt just looked at us and said, "and that's before he's out of the womb- imagine all the worries that come after." Ain't he right.
1 comment:
hey,
Im also a new mom, a six month old .. but this is the 2nd time around for me, cause i have an older son too who is 7. I worry too, for me its normal. I think it comes with the territory, I mean you have this little person who is dependant on you for everything. It can be a bit much at first.
Just my thoughts
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